Me: We still going to the Art Fair together?
Vaguely arty friend: Yeah. Sure. Wouldn’t miss it. Exciting.
Vaguely arty friend who clearly cares more about alternate therapies and football than art: Umm… I’m at a reiki workshop all day Friday. Oh, shit. Sunday’s out. St. Kilda’s playing the Crows at Telstra Dome. How about Saturday?
Me: Do you have a death wish? 80 galleries, 32 bazillion works of art in one day?
Vaguely arty friend who clearly cares more about alternate therapies and football than art: Shit. Guess you’re right. Better save it till next time, eh?
The Melbourne Art Fair is a splendiferous affair. A veritable smorgasbord heaving with cultural treasures. But it is big. So very, very big. Love it, live for it. But also fear it.
Something akin to the Grossi Florentino degustation menu. Too obscure a reference for non-Melburnians? Perhaps.
Let me elaborate. Or, even better… Read, and weep. And, yes, to pre-empt the inevitable question – the following is served to a single diner. I can tell you from personal experience that the Romans had the right idea about surviving such culinary debauchery (look it up):
Zucchini and mozzarella terrine, pickled mushroom, radish, watercress “salsa verde”, snails with parsley and farro
90ml Cloudy Bay Chardonnay
Octopus, Foie Gras custard, baby beet, rice biscuit, cayenne praline, cabernet vinegar
90ml Jermann Vinnae
Southern rock lobster, porcini, sweetbreads, young sorrel, goats cheese, shallot
90ml Yarra Yarra Sauvignon Blanc Semillon
Jamòn flavoured marrow ravioli, braised veal shank, “gremolata”
90ml Speri Valpolicella Classico Superiore ‘Ripasso’ DOC
Rabbit “in porchetta”, boned and rolled, speck, spices, “agrodolce”, fennel and orange, peas
90ml Felsina Berardenga Chianti Classico
Castricum lamb, bread stuffing, baby artichoke, sweet pepper pastry, peppercorn “salmoriglio”
90ml Vinea Marson Syrah
Gelato, a seasonal selection
Valrhona chocolate soufflé
campari and orange ice cream and chocolate syrup
60ml Umani Ronchi Maximo IGT
Vittoria coffee and pastries
So many good things. So, so good. But so little time. Eat it all at once, and you run the risk of hallucinations and severe gastro-intestinal trauma.
See also: Art Fairs